How to green your break-up

TreeHugger recently wrote a post about how to green your sex life, but in today’s world, there are more singletons than ever. So for all those who had a crappy Valentines Day last month, or who are coping with some heart failure right now, this is for you.

  • Use a handkerchief, or a hankette, instead of going through multiple boxes of Kleenex. If it gets really gross, invest in a couple and throw them in the laundry basket when they get soggy, or see how much of your sleeve you can use until you’re basically personified phlegm.
  • Depending on the severity of the break-up, you might need multiple bottles of wine and consecutive tubs of ice cream — try to make sure these are both local and/or organic; it’ll at least be one less thing to worry about!
  • Planning on writing some death threats? Blackmailing your ex with some blood-stained letters? Good idea! But before you start, be certain it’s recycled paper and soy-based ink.
  • Turn off the waterworks. Of course, you’re upset, it’s understandable. But do you really want to give that heartless [insert defamatory word of choice here] the satisfaction of knowing you’re crushed? Despite what your mother told you about “letting it all out,” keep it all in! The more you cry, the more you’re just wasting water. Sheesh.
  • Heading off to get some consolation from your friend/shrink/personal trainer? That’ll definitely help — just make sure you walk, ride your bike or take public transit there. Seeing as you’re clearing your head, you may as well try to keep the air above it clear, too.
  • Eventually, you’re going to have to move all your stuff out — but do you really want souvenirs of such a lousy relationship? Plus, it’s just going to require a gas-guzzling U-Haul to cart it all back to your parents’ house. Might as well Freecycle what you can to those who live within walking distance, and take the rest to Goodwill (in a hybrid vehicle).
  • Naturally, the most therapeutic and responsible thing to do in this situation is hardcore retail therapy. But impulse purchases often end up unused and over-consumption just means more packaging and waste. So plan ahead and take some tote bags, and concentrate your shopping in an antique district (so you’re reusing something rather than creating a demand for new stuff) or someplace where there are more independent stores than franchises (so you’re supporting the local economy). And if you suffer any post-shopping guilt, there’s always some carbon offsets just waiting to help you feel better.

Hang in there, girl! xo

3 Responses to How to green your break-up

  1. iamdeadnow says:

    *great* _smiles_

  2. Emma says:

    aww i love it! I’ll definitely try to consider the wasted water while crying. That and the wasted boy I’m crying over haha. And he didn’t even eat free range meats!

  3. […] your significant other – the green way Vanessa at Green as a Thistle has done a handy guide to how to have an environmentally-friendly break up. From crying, writing […]

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